I SO feel you and coming from denial-mom who does not connect with her feelings...well, I have a hard time connecting fully with mine!!
I am in the divorce how, when, where, what discussions with my AH and he got angry, telling me I am controlling and think I am always right.
Well, I can be that way, too. And it got me doubting myself and second guessing.
I don't trust myself enough to trust myself! LOL! I CAN be controlling and think I'm right. I can swing between that and denial. (Where's the darn middle ground??)
So, I start wondering, if I were not that way...THEN what would it be like?
Useless doubt.
But my GUILT over being imperfect makes me feel I have no right to set boundaries (I have an SR voice in my head saying abusers take advantage of that...)
So, this is, at base, why his lies trigger me so much, I think.
If I can't trust ME to take care of myself (because I trusted him in the relationship) and I can't trust him to take care of me (because he lied and hid)...who is taking care of me?
That gets my little girl (inside me) frightened.
I DON'T trust myself. I am bound to pick the wrong partner (obviously), to try to control others or be in denial. How can I trust all that?
Help! I need a therapist! LOL!
So, yes, I am processing my stuff on your thread (sheepish grin), but I thought it might help you, too!
Hugs, peace