I got chills!
Thankyou all so much for your words and your caring!
I was just thinking to myself that for 40 years I've never known real love.
And those few friends I have that do love me (in a healthy way)
I keep at arms length because I don't want to dissapoint them, by knowing the real me. But they do know the real me and they love me just the same, and there is nothing wrong with them!
I know that sounds awful and pitiful,but finally admitting that to myself, and now to you, makes me feel proud in a way!
I've put my whole lifeforce into taking care of others, and never one ounce into myself, because I never felt worthy. (well how can you when your own parents never treated you as any more than either a convenient scapegoat or an annoyance)
But for the first time in my life, I do feel worthy. I hope this feeling lasts!
So thank you for your words because I know them to be true.
Suddenly July seems very far away!
I never realized how far I had to go, until I had come this far!