Hey, starlight! Welcome and I just wanted to say kudos to you for admitting shame.
It isn't due to anything you did. It is undoubtedly due to old junk in your past that says, "You must...blah blah blah"
The only thing you need to do is take care of you.
Thanks for being so real. It helps the rest of us.
You are with family, now, here on this board.
Stick around.
Hugs, peace