Welcome.
And after you hang around here a bit and read others stories, you will swear there are video cameras in your house and they are telling YOUR stories.
You are not alone. My story is so similar as to not be worth typing out. Just call it the same.
No amount of talking, pleading, threatening, consoling, or anything else I can think of ever did a darn thing. Ever.
After enduring this for far more than any sane person should, I finally sat her down with our children and gave her an ultimatum. I was fully committed to carrying out the final solution if she did not do as I ask. She still had the choice. It was not coercion. It was not me controlling her in any way.
It was a simple choice: Just like the Matrix. Take the red pill or the blue pill. Each choice had a clearly defined consequence. If she chose to NOT seek the help I arranged for TODAY, and do what ever the doctors and experts told her to do I was leaving her. And on the coffee table was a filed, official, signed, sealed and delivered divorce action. And I would never capitulate. I would walk out the door, and there was no course of action that would convince me to change my mind. We would be divorced in 60 days. Period. This was the 100th last chance and I wasn't budging an inch.
If she chose to seek the help, then I would consider pulling the divorce papers based on her continued success in recovering from her alcohol problem. This choice was presented to her this past summer. The divorce action is still on the books. Still officially out there, ready to go. Round in the chamber, hammer cocked so to speak.
And I can tell you our life together is exponentially better. She is not completely sober. meaning I know she still drinks. But it is not much, and it is decreasing still. If this was the max level of drinking we ever endured there would be no problem. She is fully active in AA.
It has not been easy, and I have had many times to question what I'm doing. But this works for me.
I guess what I am saying in a whole bunch of words is:
Nothing is going to happen without a catalyst for change. It could be a DUI, with a manslaughter charge to go along, an epiphany from her higher power, or an ultimatum from her family. Regardless, she will need SOMETHING to force her to change. As you may have read, one of my favorite lines: There is no Alcoholic Fairy who will come around tonight or any night and sprinkle magic dust making this all better. But you can hope for it.