...and I don't deal with my trust issues alone, we deal with them together. I have enormous trust issues with her, and as I've said before, small things like misspelled texts or her being late will set me off. But, we are aware of this dynamic, so I try to take a breath before freaking out, and she's patient with me when I do.
Little by little, incrementally, I have less fear and more trust around her and our relationship. I can say, and I believe my wife is aware of this, is that all it will take is one relapse to completely destroy what we are carefully and slowly rebuilding.
Also, she's good at just walking away from me when I'm being a dick, and I've learned to walk away from her when she's being bitchy. Remarkably, we both seem to handle the walkaways just fine-- we both understand exactly why they are happening. I've experienced no fallout from a walkaway.
Lastly, she is actively in recovery in AA, I'm actively in recovery in Alanon, and we both put our recovery first in our lives. Everything else, including our relationship and our daughter, comes second (we are, respectively, responsible for what that looks like in our individual lives, and the decisions around it).
People perceive this sometimes as selfish or bad parenting. All I can say is that without our recovery we are more selfish, and worse parents.
This is how it works for us. At least today.
Take what you want and leave the rest.
Cyranoak
Originally Posted by
phineas 
How you deal with the trust issues?
I'm sure she lied to in the past, as all addicts do. How did you, if at all, rebuild the trust?
For me, after I left my XAGF, even if she did embrace recovery, which she didn't, I could never get past the fact that she lied to me so many times, I can't be in a relationship where I can't trust her.