Hi Mimic, glad to see you're back!
Originally Posted by
Mimic 
He said he was willing to say he might have a problem, and it was caused by more factors than I was willing to concede.
Ok, so he's willing to say he MIGHT have a problem BUT...get this, it's due to stuff you had no idea about...like...
Originally Posted by
Mimic I'm out of the house a lot and not spending enough time with him and he feels neglected.
Ta-daah! There you go. *Classic* blameshifting at work. Sure, he *may* have a tiny wittle problem BUT WAIT, it's your fault.
Mimic, this is a very very common argument. So common it's boring. At least my XAH was creative enough to come up with "the impending apocalypse" as one of the many reasons for his drinking.
Anyhow, read this sticky from the Classic Reading stickies. It's an eye-opener:
Excuses Alcoholics Make
Originally Posted by
Mimic He says he'll go sober...for three months. He says that at 22, going sober for the rest of his life may be hasty and he feels he can achieve responsibly alcohol use. He wants to see if he can go three months without a drink. I insist he go sober longer than that, but he is holding firm at three months.
Ah, now he's bargaining with you (and perhaps with himself). As you know, this is also a classic tactic.."I can do it myself, I can cut back, I don't need a program, I'm not *really* an alcoholic". It's all smokes and mirror, and unfortuntely, it can lead to some nasty behaviour on his part. If he does manage to sober up for a period, without getting any help or support from a program, he'll be white knuckling it like nothing else, and will undoubtedly become unbearable. Also, just because he's sober won't make him a better partner, or better at dealing with the usual stresses of life.
The reality is that if he was truly ready to quit, there would be none of this b.s. bargaining and attempt at control. The 12 steps begin with one thing: surrender. Acceptance that life has become unmanageable and that we need help.
Have you considered Al-Anon for yourself, to get through this difficult period? Individual counselling could also be very helpful. It helped me a great deal when I was struggling in my marriage (or leaving it).
IMO, it's time to ask yourself what you want out of life. Where do you see yourself in 5 years? How do you plan on getting there? Does the future you imagine for yourself include dealing with your partner's addiction, day in and day out?
Food for thought...
Keep posting!