Welcome robster! We're glad you found us.
I'm in a bit of a hurry this morning but basically my story is a lot like yours minus the children. This forum was a lifesaver for me as was AlAnon. I highly recommend you find a local meeting and give AlAnon a try.
For me, in the end, it didn't matter how much I loved my now XAH, nothing changed until I changed it. He was and is so deep in his addiction that my love for him and our good life together was not important enough to make him want to change. Life was...in a nutshell...totally insane.
Now I'm working my own program and things are much better. Please keep posting. We're glad you're here.