It is clear you love him. He is very lucky to have you. You want more from life because you deserve more and you are sensing that. To me I see that as a huge first step.
There are no easy answers sadly. Somone can be loving, kind and gentle in manner but that can also be a type of manipulation. Just something also to think about.
If there is one thing I learned about alcoholics is that in order to stay in a life of drinking, they have to find some way to keep responsibilities away in order to have time to drink. (Every hour is 'drink o'clock) It is a whole new skill set they develop in order to be able to stay in their alcoholic world.
Problem is, as you are feeling, it falls apart quickly when the person giving them that space starts to feel as you do. Then what happens? Consequences for his drinking. Consequences are inconvenient! So they have two choices, to stop drinking or face the consequences and some chose one or the other.
I guess what I'm trying to say is creating a safe environment with minimal consequences stalls them from seeking real recovery. That is also one way to look at as well.