Chicory,
Here's where you get jammed up. He starts behaving in unbearable ways. You wish you had a way to force him out, but can't because he isn't doing anything illegal. You feel like a prisoner. You get all geared up to put him out, but he tugs at your heart strings and when push comes to shove, you relent and he behaves for a little while and then it starts all over again. It's endless.
And suki is right, nothing changes. It's rinse and repeat.
We AREN'T complaining about your posting. We don't think you are stupid or whiny. We are just trying to reflect back to you what is happening here. It's hard to be objective when you are right in it, as you are. We are several steps back from it. It's always easier to see what is going wrong with someone else than it is to see what's going on in our own lives.
Keep looking at it. Look at it through our eyes. What would you tell Chicory to do? Are you being mean to her, or are you kindly trying to encourage her to do what is best for her? Even if it's really, really hard? Do you want her to see that she is worth enough that she deserves not to be a hostage in her own home to an able-bodied adult who is trapped in a nightmare of his own doing?
You can be free. He can free himself, just as you can. You are the one more capable of changing the dynamics--he can't because he is a mess right now. You can't fix him. He can, if he will, but he has no reason to do that if he isn't forced to.
We'll keep supporting you.