This sounds so much like me. I could not figure out why it bothered me so much. I resented the fact that he could detach so easily from the family and I resented feeling like I was left with the responsibilities for the majority of the time. He could "tune out". I could not. I was filled with anger. I slowly started to detach and decided to do things on my own and not always have the expectation that he would join me. It worked for a while. And this was even before Al Anon. But it progressed to the point where he rather have his beer than do anything and then it was him saying he did not think he wanted to be married anymore. He changed from a great guy to an angry, moody, verbally abusive guy. So, it bothers you. You don't want it to become more important than the relationships he has. You don't want it to keep progressing. He is not a good partner when he is drinking. Knowing all that...you must decide if you want to lay it all out on the table. And then go to AL Anon and learn how to detach. Remember you cannot control it or cure it. But you can contribute to it if you are filled with anger and resentment. It will become your obsession and consume you.