66Angel

Ok, I have been struggling with this for a year or so now. I found this forum last night and have been reading some of the posts in here. I can relate to some, but most is foreign to me. Here's my story, it's pretty long but I felt I needed to lay it all out on the table so someone can respond.

I was a widowed 40 year old 5 years ago who met this great guy at a bar (first tip off). We dated for less than a year and bought a house together. Now I have an 18 year old (14 at the time) and he has a 12 year old (8 year old at the time). All of a sudden we went from dating to buying a home and trying to blend a family. But those first three years were bliss, other than an occasional argument.

At first the drinking wasn't bad. Two or three nights during the week and on the weekends and not excessive. Over the past 2 years, the drinking has gotten progressively more frequent to the point that it is just about every night. But so has all the stresses of our life. Throw in me losing my job, house underwater, and all the daily chores and dramas from having a teenager, you have a recipe for an alcoholic. He starts his night now by stopping for a couple for the "long traffic ridden" ride home from work. And continues until it is time to eat and settle down for the night (9pm-10m) or unless we are not talking to each other then its until he goes to bed.

Now for the kicker of it. He doesn't treat me badly - has never abused me, loves me to death and dotes on me. He contributes to the household chores and does things with me, whether its fishing, taking in a craft show or doing chores around the house. He listens to me, helps me with my 18 year old, takes our relationship very seriously and will do anything (except quit drinking) for me. He's always concerned about me and for the most part very thoughtful. He has a fulltime job and is very secure in his job due to his performance.

So why does his drinking bother me so much? He asked me that too and I'm not sure how to answer it. It makes me very uncomfortable when he drinks that much, I know that. I know his son has to notice how much too and I always tried to set a good example for my son. He is somewhat "goofy" when he drinks to much (and I mean that in a good way) Is it because after being widowed for so long I just want someone to be the strong one in the relationship and I believe alcoholism is weak? Is my morals and belief that you don't need alcohol to live a good life a part of it?

Am I crazy for feeling how I do when other than his drinking, he treats me like a queen? Any response would be greatly appreciated because I feel like such a **tch for being upset over his drinking when it doesn't affect my day to day life. And he has pointed that out as well, though he doesn't call me a **tch

Thanks so much for your time!