Sediku

Hi everyone. I came across this forum while looking for Al anon info. There is much wise advice here, thank you.

The reason I was searching is I feel Im at a crossroads and not sure which direction I should be traveling. I have been with my ABF for 10 years. He moved in with me from another state 8 years ago. At the time (before he moved up) he was a very heavy drinker. After his construction job he would hit the bar for drinks and socializing, nearly every night. He was not like this when we were together. I fooled myself into thinking it was more out of his boredom then an addiction.

Since we have been living together, I do understand that he is an alcoholic, as does he now. To compound the issue is that since he's moved, work has been inconsistent. He is a hard worker but when works with his boss slows he becomes depressed, says he needs to find new work, doesnt, sits around until work picks up and the cycle continues....for 8 years. He wants more but wont do anything about it. This has lead to depression and feelings of no-self worth. The drinking is mixed in, long work day, reason to drink. No work and depressed, reason to drink. He says he wants to change, does well for a while then right back to the old habits.

I mostly get upset if he drinks and my teens are around. I just dont want them thinking its acceptable to be like that. My mom is an alcoholic, though I only drink rarely. Otherwise there is no abuse, he is a happy drunk. Its very sad. He is a nice guy with a great heart. But his issues dont allow him to have a great relationship with my children and is causing a rift between us. He isolates himself, then complains he's isolated. Ive been detaching for so long (though not out of any sort of al-anon guidance learned, more as a self preservation protective tactic to not get hurt) we now seem more like roommates, but he is still my best friend and I love him.

We have discussed many times the things he feels he should be concentrating on, finding a better job, going to AA, looking for a hobby he enjoys etc. All talk, no action. I don't give him money, I won't pay his bills, I do live my own life though I wish that would included him more. I have in the past printed out job openings, directions to the AA meeting etc. They get ignored. Now he thinks I should be more supportive, like calling him daily to remind him "not to go down that path" etc. I feel that at this point its his battle to fight, I can do it for him.

I am just really tired of the cycle. I feel my life is good, fortunately nothing like life could be living with an alcoholic. Im just at a point where I want more from life but Im not sure what that decision entails. Any guidance would be greatly apreciated to help me through this process. Thanks.