Thank you, Shellcrusher. I appreciate your feedback. And, in short, I'm glad you were able to get somewhere with your dad.
I know no one's perfect, and I have apologized profusely for the bad things I've done (the main one is pretty petty, really...it's a real estate venture that lost us both some money) but he hasn't forgiven me. He does, however, expect me to forgive him for the bad things he's done. I'm not a super forgiving person. It's my belief that he ruined my mother's life, and he continually tries to ruin mine. She was a wonderful person and he was terrible to her. I'm not sure I'll get over that, so I try not to think about it very much. (Denial, I know.)
I do expect a response from him when I write the letter, but I do not necessarily expect it to be a good one. I'm actually hoping that we can just keep in touch that way from now on. The phone calls are the worst, and we never get anywhere.
I do have a lot of weight on my shoulders, but I'm trying to lighten the load. Thank you for your help.
I am happy....genuinely happy...possibly for the first time in my life...and that's another thing: I have no idea how my dad isn't happy FOR me. I don't know what else I could do to make him happy...so I'm done trying to please him. I constantly question myself and never feel good enough, and it's because of his years of abuse, I'm sure.
I am working on my self though. Great relationships, decent job, losing weight, going back to get my Master's. I guess I just wish I could share my accomplishments and achievements (and well...just plain LIFE) with my father, and I don't get to do that. He is so critical. I can't get a word in. Oh well. I suppose I'll continue to share the good times with other people.
I'm on call for work soon, and should have free time, so I'm going to start the letter.
I'll keep you all posted on what happens.
Again, thank you all for your support!
