I liked the replies about your pets. I thought about my dog and how much he's loved me since I adopted him eight years ago. Much more than my father has.
And every time my father mentions my dog, it's only to ask if he has viciously attacked anyone yet. (He's part pit bull) Literally, the dog is the sweetest I've known, and has never even growled. Just one more thing my father has to throw in his two cents about. I am so sick of just never feeling good enough in any aspect of my life. I've been employed full-time for four years, doing work as a legal advocate for crime victims. When my father inquires about my work, he always says, "How's your 'little' job?" So patronizing. He can never just be loving or supportive. It's been at least two weeks since we've talked, and I am not planning to call again. (He, on the other hand, has called five times. Obviously he's feeling guilty. Good, I say.) I am going to start to compile a long letter, just so he can know exactly how I feel. I'm so grateful to finally have good, caring people in my life. The only somewhat negative thing is how much they make me realize how bad it was before they came along...but then, I am even MORE grateful that I finally know what good relationships are all about. So it's a winning situation, really. I am just cutting out the negativity. It feels good.
Can I branch off this a little bit?
I didn't get much into my family dynamics, but I suppose it's important to tell you that my father is the ONLY family I have left anymore. Everyone else has died in the past 15 years or so. (I'm under 30.) So, as freeing as it is to be rid of his abuse, it does make me feel quite depressed that I don't have ANY family without him. I don't dwell on it, and I definitely incorporate 'surrogate relatives' into my life...but honestly, there is just really something comforting about being able to communicate and reminisce with someone who has been around your entire life. Like, "Oh hey, do you remember that time when ____ did ____ at the ____?" And just someone who KNOWS you, if that makes sense at all. Like they KNOW who your Great Uncle Vern was, and how funny he was, and can remember things about him....whereas latecomers in your life have to just kind of guess at what your childhood may have been like.
So, I guess to sum that up, I feel like there's just a huge loss right now, since I'm basically cutting ties with my father, who happens to be my last surviving relative. It's twofold. Honestly, maybe I expected him to be more loving and supportive because he knows he's my last relative, but it almost seems as though he's gone in the opposite direction. When faced with, "Well, this is all the family I've got left" - you'd think someone would be more willing to work on that relationship, and NOT continue to be negative and abusive. Overwhelming. lol
Thanks for letting me vent. (Again)
