((Jo)) - I'm so sorry you're going through this, and I agree...prayer has always helped me, and I have many "chat's with God". Some of them have been "I hurt, and I don't know what to do...a little help, please?" Like ((Greet)), I've never not gotten an answer, even if it wasn't what I thought I wanted, it was what I needed.
I know you want your son to talk to you, to listen, but sometimes we kids just can't do that. My dad went to his first al-anon meeting, the other night, and I was telling him of how deeply I'd sunk into codependency with my first XABF (attempted suicide, begging him to beat the **** out of me because it would heal faster than the emotional stuff) and my dad said "and you couldn't talk to me or your mom?"
I know that hurt him, but I was as sick, with my codie-ness, as I later was with my addiction. We KNOW, somewhere deep down, that our actions are hurting our parents, but I always thought I could handle it on my own.
Gratefully, I am very open with my all the family that I had shut out, now, but it took time and consequences to get me to where I wanted recovery, which includes sharing how I feel.
Sending lots and lots of hugs and prayers, your way.
Amy