Originally Posted by
oneilshome 
Anyone reading this post.... I am curious to know if any husbands like myself have felt more like a father versus a husband? I feel that way often like it is my responsibility to monitor my wifes drinking, or tell her right/wrong. I know this sounds bad, but I feel like I am intruding to keep it from getting worse. Is this a bad idea? How has anyone who has went through this gotten any better with it? I want to feel like a loving husbad instead of a concerned father for my wife.....
This comment is loaded with things that I can related to.
Absolutely, I am a father more than a husband. Even more so when my AW is actively drinking. The good news is that you realize this already. It took a therapist to help me realize this. I don't like being a father to my wife but just knowing that I am, helps me not be it. Does that make sense?
I used to monitor her drinking. I used to dump out bottles. I used to expose her stash. I thought I was helping but all of these activities caused me serious mental anguish. I used to walk around ready to kill whales and burn down rain forests. I was very, very angry. It was not healthy. It is not healthy. Once I stopped trying to control her, because I know I can't, my general mental health improved 10 fold.
I am getting through this with my AW because I'm learning to love myself more. I am not god. How stifling I must be to try and control her drinking. How bad have I been by not allowing her to grow up. I refuse to be her father. If her father didn't raise her right, then that's their issues but I'm her husband. My Son needs a father. I'm not going to split duties to take care of a grown adult who acts like a child. Yes, I still harbor plenty of resentment towards my AW.
Brother, this is a very hard thing for me to work on. It gets way easier once I started practicing detachment and focusing on myself. Some people have said that once you start working on yourself, it's possible that your AW will naturally get better. I didn't believe it. I do now.
There are some fundamental things I learned right here on this forum. Keep reading.