When my abandonment button gets pushed, I also panic. It's so familiar, familial actually. Abandonment is what I know most intimately, well I should say USED to be what I knew most intimately.
Today I also have experiences, like you illustrate here, with self sufficiency. Self love. I tentatively step out of my comfort zone and truly let go. That brings immediate relief- acceptance is my friend
I now know how much better I feel, have reference, for the benefits of letting go and having faith in my ability to be happy and take care of myself.
When I remember to tell myself the following phrases, amazing things happen. It shifts me from that scared little girl into the powerful, compassionate woman I want to be
I am leaving you now
This is my choice.
I am free of you and your toxic behavior
All is for my greater good.
Try it. I say it over and over until it takes hold over the programming of abandonment. Let me know if it helps!