verbal abuse
Having been involved in a marriage with an alcoholic for over 20 years I have come to the conclusion that I have become a verbal abuser. It didn't start out that way. In the beggining things were normal and we were like any other newly married couple. As time went on and my AW drinking became more of an issue with me I started getting angrier about the crazy drama and isolation. We would have huge fights over the years about drinking and the behaviors associated with it. The arguements became abusive on my part when years ago out of uncontrolled anger I started to call her a drunk and lots of other derogatory comments. She fought back with her own anger but she could never match my verbal assaults. My abusive comments were extremely hurtful especially to a woman and I feel terrible about this. Im sure I caused my wife as much damage as the alcohol did. We find ourselves on the verge of divorce now even though we both still love each other. I still try to defend myself at times when I tell her how staying out all night and all the strange behaviors caused my anger and verbal abuse but in reality I realize there was no justification for it. I dont fault myself for being angry and hating the disease but I wish I had directed it in a more appropriate way. I may have made things worse. Now I am full of guilt because not only has alcoholism done its damage to a good woman but I realize I also heavily contributed. Alcohol has done its damage to me too. I wish I could go back and change my behavior but its too late for that. The damage is done.