not coping well this am.
Sat morning before I left his residence, he had begun his manipulating, controlling, behaviors. As he played each one out, I pointed out to him what he was doing. (Now, you are mimicing me...control behavior; Now, you are twisting my words and putting the blame on me...manipulating behavior)
Then I said to him. "I can see you. I can see who you are. No more hiding behind your magic screen appearing to be what you want everyone to believe you are."
I left.
He did a couple of things to mutual online accounts that lead me to believe he is readying for a fight. I am convinced he is moving on. Before, he wasn't interested in separating anything because he believed I would be back.
I know I am readying to let go. I have been moving progressively towards it since moving out 5 weeks ago. Each day become easier to move on and harder to even think about possible change and reconciliation.
I panicked when I realized he was letting go. Scared of the fight, but more scared of being without him. No. More scared of being alone again...
I am going to be okay without him. I need to let go which I am, but it is scary!!
I am afraid and sad and need to stick to my guns............
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I don't want to be alone. I don't want to be afraid.............