My sister was sober for 7 years when she was murdered 3 years ago. She never did her amends to me, even though she had written the amends out with her sponsor. She had some big amends to make to me, and apparently she dreaded making them. Looking back, I am so very sad about this. I wondered for years, while she was still alive, when she would make her amends to me, but years after she had made amends to everyone else, she still hadn't made them to me. I was confused and very hurt about this, and wondered if I had somehow missed the amends, as if they were something subtle. She even told her sponsor she had made her amends to me, but she hadn't. They were too big, and she needed to admit to things she didn't want to. She and I both knew the truth, and I waited to hear it from her, and I knew when she finally made amends with me, she would have to tell me the truth. I loved her so much and was so relieved that she was sober, but by not making amends with me, there was a barrier blocking our relationship and we never got past it. She needed to live in her truth, and for some reason she couldn't. Tragically, she was murdered 3 years ago, before she could make her amends to me. I wish I had pressed her to just make them, but I figured that she would, in her own time. But her time ran out. Her sponsor recently told me the amend at the top of her list, and it was like a weight was lifted off of me. I always knew this, but I was relieved to hear that my sister had admitted it. I feel released, yet I am deeply saddened that my sister wasn't able to make her own amends to me, and that I wasn't able to give her the gift of forgiveness that she desperately needed to heal. I wish she had made amends so that we had been able to have a closer, more truthful relationship. I didn't care about the things she was confessing to, I cared about the truth. I wish she knew that it was never about the stuff, it was always about living in the truth, and that I always loved her so much. I just needed to hear her tell me the truth. If you have any doubt about doing amends to the people you wronged before you were sober, please consider how deeply moving and powerful the experience will be for you and the person you are making amends with. I loved my sister so much, and miss her more than words can express. I was immensely proud of the woman she became in her sobriety. But our relationship was held back because she couldn't make amends to me. And now that she is gone, I will never know what she wanted to say to me. And I was never able to tell her that I forgive her. This is so cliche, but the truth really will set you free.