I ended up in a similar situation with my XAH - after his second inpatient 60 days, I told him he couldn't go home and ended up going to live with his parents under very tight supervision. His mom is a bit of a control freak (in a good way), and she's his mother. I wasn't, and that wasn't a role I enjoyed, nor was any good at.
He begged and pleaded, and was told NO. I had arranged for his car and his things to be sent to him, so NO, he couldn't come back. It was just me, but I needed the space and the clarity to see through the craziness. I think if your daughter is telling you in no uncertain terms to not let her come back, that's sending a very strong message.
Good luck. It's a sucky position to be sure.