I always used to go to bed early and avoid live music with AH! In the evening after work he'd have his couple beers, and I could just sense that change in him. I couldn't stand him like that, so I'd just end up going off to bed to avoid it, knowing he'd be normal and nice again in the morning. I also stopped going to see live music with him, because he would drink and just turn into a jerk. Those nights usually ended with us leaving early, and me crying. No fun!
About a year ago I realized this was really becoming a problem. It was changing ME too much- how I knew when to avoid him, to avoid saying anything that might tick him off. Basically I was just tiptoeing all the time, and basing my mood entirely on HIS mood.
He has ALWAYS blamed work as his source of stress. No matter how much, or how little work there is. It's always work.
Have you confronted him? Whenever I did, my husband would storm out, deny everything. He didn't have to take this, he'd say. Then finally this month he broke down and admitted to it all. He'd even sought help before. But he was still an active alcoholic.
We separated 2 weeks ago. What I'd never realized was how much of MYSELF I lost along the way, because it was always about HIM. Now, it's about me. We've talked about all this, and he understands.
I'm sad to end the relationship, but I also feel a lot of relief. I'm really excited about my life. I should also mention that a year ago, I have him an ultimatum. He was good for a few weeks and went right back to drinking. I didn't follow through, because I wasn't ready at that point to leave. I wrote the exact same thing to a friend- "I'm scared of losing him." It took a year. And then I wasn't scared anymore.
Don't rush any decisions. Read about alcoholism. That helped me a lot in not placing the blame on my husband, but understanding what he was dealing with. If the time is right to make a change, you will know it. I had a voice inside just telling me, it was time. Clear as day.
Best to you- be strong, and trust yourself!