Originally Posted by
jrlcpl 
I am in a similar situation and I have found the only way for me to not go totally insane is to detach from my STBXAW and her alcoholism. I tried for years to help her and like everyone here says, it's like talking to a rock. I also focus on myself and my recovery. But detaching was the single most helpful thing for me to regain my focus and move forward. It is very hard to do as a lot of us are codependent, but it has been a lifesaver for me. This board is very helpful as well. Spend some time reading thru the threads. Good luck.
I like this post - but I struggle with detachment each and every day; especially when things feel like they are spinning out of control.
Sounds to me as if you are committed to protecting your kids and doing the right thing, but sometimes its hard to see through the tornado of the A what the right thing is to do.
When I get to that place, I stop doing anything for a period of time and just let myself think and feel instead of 'doing'. It's the 'doing' that tends to get me in trouble - my 'doing' is often 'controlling' instead. And sometimes, not 'doing' actually turns out to be the best tactic as the A's have a way of handling things themselves (i.e. and therefore are responsible for their own consequences).
Detachment - to me - also means surrendering to what is, and making a decision to accept what i can realistically accomplish today. Today, I am a mother first - therefore protecting & nurturing my children is a top priority. My A is a grown-up. He doesn't need my protection, my opinion, my perspective, or my money. He's perfectly capable of obtaining those things all by himself.
Sometimes 'doing' nothing about the A's situation seems like the hardest thing to accomplish - yet turns out to be the best thing to 'do' after all.