I am in a similar situation and I have found the only way for me to not go totally insane is to detach from my STBXAW and her alcoholism. I tried for years to help her and like everyone here says, it's like talking to a rock. I also focus on myself and my recovery. But detaching was the single most helpful thing for me to regain my focus and move forward. It is very hard to do as a lot of us are codependent, but it has been a lifesaver for me. This board is very helpful as well. Spend some time reading thru the threads. Good luck.