If she wants to get to meetings, she can ask for a ride. Lots of AA folks are willing to go out of their way to get someone to a meeting.
Let someone neutral (a judge) decide whether she gets a car, who gets what money, etc. You get a good lawyer to look out for your interests. That takes the "control" out of your hands. You simply stick with the court orders and let her rant if it doesn't seem "fair" to her.
I think you are doing GREAT.