That's a crusher. It seems spouses like us (here in F&F) are often hoping for the change that never comes. We continue to apply the reasonable norms from our world into the delusional, self centered world of the alcoholic. The same world not constrained by truth or even consequences. They simply can't stop even when the "know" they should.
Everyone reaches the end of what they can manage, and it sounds like you have reached yours.
Remember, there is no way to force the change. They must do it. Put your kids welfare first, and your path will be clear.
Good luck.