In hindsight I look back at my dance with the XAH I was caught in the excitement/drama in it until I went to enough Alanon to see how insane I was. One of the first things I learned in there was how to detach. I also learned to not engage with him when he was using. I would turn my phone off at 9pm. My XAH's brain was eaten up with alcohol/drug abuse. He had also done alot of coke in years past which eats big holes in your brain. To engage with someone like that is not good kids or not. My minister in church told a story of if you put a fence around a turkey he does not fly out. For some reason he forgets he can fly. You can fly. It took me a while but I did finally- after years -I realized I could fly.