Thank you all, for the thoughtful replies. I have a small plan, to go to social services and see what they have to say. I dont know where that will lead me, but it is at least forward movement.
I guess they might guide me to some help. I wonder if I should tell my son that he will be leaving, and give him a chance to do whatever he might (which will be nothing, as he will ignore it).
I sometimes imagine life on my own again, and it makes me hopeful for the moment.
You ladies have been very brave. How did you get the courage to do such a hard thing as to put them out? How did you find the strength to do it? why dont I have it? is this something that you got with recovery, and meetings and support here?
thanks again,
hugs
chicory