Old 02-20-2011, 05:01 PM
  # 11 (permalink)  
Verbena
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Desert Southwest
Posts: 192
Just about everyone here knows exactly how you feel. You'll get a lot of support here.

I felt as though I'd found a lifeline when I found this site. These people have helped me so much.

Here's what I've done in the couple of months I've been visiting here.

I have an emergency bag packed so I can be out the door in two minutes if I want to. My husband has never been physically abusive. But, I like knowing that I'm not stuck.

I have a cash stash. I built it over six months. I add a little each month. But recently I had some painting and repair work done on the house. AH doesn't realize he overpaid $400 that went into my stash. I keep my stash in a safe place that's not in the house. I hide $100 bill in my wallet.

I'm familiarizing myself with divorce laws in our state.

I've copied all our important papers and have them stored in a safe place.

I read and learn all I can about alcoholism. I'm currently reading and studying about co-dependency and verbally abusive relationships.

Fortunately, I don't have kids left at home. And, even though my husband didn't start drinking to excess until our three boys were well into their teens, they have suffered because of it. I'm very lucky that none of them drink. I'm lucky to be friends with my sons.

I go to the big city about one weekend a month. I do a big shopping and we go play for a couple of days. It's a break for me.

It's not my place to tell you what to do but you already know that your kids must come first. It's your job as their mom to protect them. They are already learning that drinking and getting drunk are acceptable behavior. If you are angry and yelling at each other,they are learning that it's okay to abuse the people you love.

When my husband is drinking, I avoid interacting with him as much as possible. He drinks outdoors while he pretends to do yard work etc. He comes in and eats lunch before falling asleep. I let him sleep as long as he wants. We pretty much live on different schedules. That's fine with me.

You should know that you can't really believe much of what an alcoholic says. They'll say whatever they have to to keep drinking. It's the booze talking. When they appear sober, it's often still the booze talking. They aren't necessarily aware that they are doing this.
They believe their own nonsense even though last weeks nonsense was different and next week's crap may take off on a whole new tangent.
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