Originally Posted by
Summerpeach 
Yes and she knows this and keeps going back. When does he stop being responsible and she start?
I've read many books on abuse, thanks, but if I keep going back to an abuser over and over and wonder why I'm being abused, it become MY fault!!!!!!
The victim role only lasts so long until one become a willing participant
I'm sorry, but I have to (as a survivor) address this. It is all too easy to apportion blame to the person who is the subject of this kind of behaviour.
It is NOT her fault. Being in an abusive relationship is likened to being a lobster in a pot. The water starts out fine, after all if someone came into your life immediately abusive you'd run, but the heat gets turned up gradually. Each little turn of the heat is sustained to 'normalise' the situation. It is by degrees and a period of adjustment and acceptance is established before it gets turned again. Then and before you even know it, you are in a dangerous situation in it and an equally dangerous situation jumping from it.
It takes a great deal of courage to leap.. because statistics bear out that THAT is when you are most in danger. So you are between a rock and a hard place.
To the OP.. this is worrying.. even if he has no intention of doing you physical harm, the mental/emotional damage is equally as scary. Please talk to someone.. get this on record.. and begin to plan for your safekeeping.
Tx