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Old 02-20-2011, 09:36 AM
  # 5 (permalink)  
lillamy
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That's a rough question. My honest answer is that yes, I compartmentalized, but not because I wanted to have sex, but because letting him use my body to masturbate in was easier than taking the consequences of saying no.

There was no "making love" involved. I was letting him take care of a physical need, sort of like taking a $h*t. I wouldn't recommend that strategy to anyone. It made me hate myself and hate my own body. Despise myself. It's one of the biggies to deal with now that I'm out, that I allowed that.

I also think that there's absolutely nothing wrong with not feeling like being intimate/having sex with a person who is abusive. On the contrary, that's sane and healthy. You wouldn't want to have sex with an a&& who accosted you on the street and called you those names, why would you with someone just because they're defined as your boyfriend/husband?

I recommend against compartmentalizing. I think your instincts are telling you you really don't want to have sex with this guy. And for very good reasons. Compartmentalizing just means overruling your own self-preservation instincts.
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