Originally Posted by
Kassie2 
(((chicory))) Not the same but I wish you had had parents to hold you in their arms. This is my hug to you tonight. To say that you are doing the best you can right now, and maybe tommorrow you can do more. If not, it is important to vent and receive the support of others - please give that gift to yourself.
And please let go of the shame - it is your life and your choices to make. PPl are just sharing what they would do - it is not a judgement on you.
And I am taking a leap here, give your anger to your HP, Your HP may not have given this to you, but is certainly there for you to lean on, to curse at, and to give thanks when you are able. Your HP is great enough to take whatever you have to say and still be there for you.
((((Kassie)))
Kassie, thank you for the heartfelt hug- that means a lot. I guess I am feeling pretty small right now.
And thank you for saying that about my HP. that he is great enough to take what ever I feel, without condemning me for it. It is scary to be angry at God, cause he can always make things worse , and heaven knows, I have this deeply ingrained thinking that I can control what God does, if I do such and such. pathetic, huh?
I am glad that these people have taken the time to read my post and to think about it, and to offer their help.
The hardest time to make change is when not much is happening, like drinking or fighting. I am so used to living in turmoil that when the dust settles, it makes me so happy, that there is no crisis. I know, there is a crisis, and I have to clear the paste out of my brain so that I can see clearly. that merely surviving is not enough. God forgive me for hurting my son, with my lack of power. I have been reading a book on power, and centers, and personal goals. but it never told me how to get the power, just that I should have it.
Thank you Kassie. love ya.now , i am going to enjoy that hug you sent me.