Wow- so many honest and helpful answers here.
Kassie, this is a call for help for me- so I dont go crazy while trying to get the strength to do what I know is probably the right thing. I want so much to believe my son, when he tells me something, but I know that he is not honest with me, if he is not even honest with his self.
I am not doing much to help myself, but not cause I dont want to. I was reading a book that I thought would give me strength, but it was a dud, for my situation.
I paid heck for claiming him as an exeption, and I am not going to help him financially. If he does not want to help his self, I will not spend another dime on his car, his anything. I needed to claim him, cause I have spent so much in the last three years, for insurance, for bills, etc. he is so angry about not being able to claim his self as an exemption. He would only drink the money anyway.
tonight I came home to him drunk- and I was so angry, and could not control myself or my mouth. why I just cant, i think it is cause I have anger from way back, and I just cant take anymore.
I have been trying to detach. to feel happiness, to not worry about him, and it is not hard when he is not drinking. but there is no doubt that he will, no matter how much I hope and pray.
I do feel ashamed that I am not doing what everyone says to do. to put him out.
Beth, I am from an alcoholic family, dad and mom both alcoholics. i went to aca group years ago, and found out that I was not weird, but that I became how I am in response to the alcoholics in my life. I would like to get some help. i need it. I think sometimes that I am going crazy, from the anger and sadness, and the fact that I have no choice- none but to put out a family member who has nothing.
my new grandson, 16 months old, looks just like my son when he was a baby. each time i am with him, i am reminded sharply of the beautiful son who smiled at everyone, and was the light of my life. who was thoughtful, and fun, and laughed and felt healthy, and loved the dukes of hazard, and pokemon. frankly, I am pissed at the world that my son is sick this way, and I just cant believe that it has happened. why, why, why God? Do I go to my grave, sad and without one moment of true joy, of true peace. I am mad at God, I have to be honest. First I have not a parent who ever took me in their arms and told me how much I meant to them, and now, the light in my darkness is an alcoholic. when my son was born, it was the first time I was truly happy. his dad was a bone head, and my children were the best thing ever to happen to me.
I am sorry for ranting. I am just so angry.
thank you so much for being here. and for letting me vent.
yes, nothing changes if nothing changes. I need help, I know. I wish there was a meeting close enough to me. one about 20 miles from here, and i dont do night driving. in the longer daylight it will not be so bad.
I am a mess.