I've read and even commented on posts that refer to quacking, but I didn't really understand what people meant by that. I would read and hear, but didn't get it.
Ok...wow...I get it now. I got it last night. For an entire hour. Quack, quack, quacking and then some. I wouldn't be surprised to go over to my RAH's house and find webbed feet today.
I've been so bothered by the conversation that I've had to take today to stand back and be objective about it. I've read my books, reviewed by step 1 work, spent time in the step forum. Read previous posts on F&F. And hello!
He's a total QUACKER! OMG! No wonder my BS meter is going off full force! My RAH is not R'ing. He's scamming AA! He's scamming
himself. He is not in recovery, he is skating on the very top of it all, like its some kind of competition. No wonder I don't see any change. He's not changing anything. It dawned on me that this whole AA/Al-Anon meeting proximity thing - even though its my issue - partly has to do with the fact that he doesn't want me to be a part of his recovery...didn't even try to see if I was there last night...didn't even look out the window for crying out loud (and I sat in the car for a couple minutes before I went in, watching) because he doesn't want anyone there to know who I am and potentially call his BS. I actually think today he probably hasn't told anyone there that HIS WIFE LEFT HIM.
He's a very high functioning alcoholic. And I think he is seriously blowing smoke up his own a$$ right now. How...at 90 days sober...can someone be having a "great time". When you just lost your family?! I read the posts on the alcoholism forum - those people are struggling. My RAH is not struggling at all; he's practically dancing through the 12 steps with a little tutu on.
I know this guy. He's a fake. And last night - I got fake, fake, quack, quack, my life is fine, I am not angry with you, I love AA meetings, my sponsor thinks I am doing so well, blah blah blah. And then started arguing with me as soon as I said I was feeling sad...and then got mad and told me I was arguing and he wasn't going to have a fight...everything would be fine if I just "move back and start being a wife and accept an imperfect marriage" OMG have I been down this road before. On the outside is this charming, funny, outgoing man. Scratch the surface, just a little, and underneath is an angry, hostile man who
will take your finger off for scratching. And that man hides and hides and the mental gymnastics he must have to do to keep that angry drunk man hidden is astonishing! Believe me - I heard it yesterday - its astonishing the BS he comes up with to justify his complete lack of personal responsibility to anything.
Do you think the old-timers at AA see through this? I know his family doesn't...but I know how
he feels about
them even though they view him as the prodigal son. He BS's them too. Quack!
He only meets with his sponsor once a week. He gets assignments, does them, and turns them in. Not much conversation - he even asked me if this seemed normal?! My first impression is the sponsor doesn't want to work with you until he knows you are serious - you QUACKER!
He is so deeeeeeeep in his own denial. No wonder I am so bothered by that conversation - today I finally realize why - its QUACKING!
Just had to vent out loud. Now I am going to buy my own house and to he11 with him. Quacker.
