chicory,
i understand how difficult this is for you.
have you considered taking care of yourself?
have you been to a meeting.
seems to me you had trouble growing up? a great deal of dysfunction, maybe addiction?
maybe Adult Children of Alcoholics would have the message and/or help for you.
This program, (ACA) is specifically for people who have grown up with dysfunctional caregivers.
I can tell you chicory, I have been around the 12 steps for many years, but this program really speaks to me.
When I tried to make sure my children did not turn out like me or their dad, it was me trying to control them and manipulate them, so I would be comfortable.
I am embarrassed and ashamed to admit that.
Honesty and courage is what it takes to get through the ACA program.
You have both of those in spades chicory.
Just try a little reading about it.
Beth