Originally Posted by
blwninthewind 
I followed my Alnon detachment instructions and told him it was his decision to make.
It wasn't my business.
He is sooooo not happy with that.
My ABF still has issues with me going to Al-Anon after three years. I don't let what he thinks get in my way-I go to my meetings and in fact, am doing service work.
Al-Anon was the subject of some of our most vocal fights. At one point, he made me choose between him and A-Anon. I chose Al-Anon. I detached, I stopped reacting and he stopped drinking. The fights and arguments lessened as I stopped getting caught up in his stuff.
Originally Posted by
blwninthewind I just decided that I WANT what my alnon group has. Even people still living w/ their A have happy fulfilled lives...and I WANT that.
No I don't want to live w/ an A spouse. and that is MY boundary.
But the fact that it's POSSIBLE to do so...and not be pulled in to the drama and chaos..wow. I REALLY want that!
so I'm going to do what I'm told to do, follow my program and I know I'll be a better person for it.
My group, sponsor, CAL literature and SR help me immensely. Today, while we no longer live together, we are together and functioning as a a couple. It's not perfect but it's not the chaos of what we had before. It's good for both of us and while there's always the gorilla in the room, I don't let that stop me from living my life.
Originally Posted by
blwninthewind I just keep telling myself "respond, do not react." over and over before i get the phone or when I hear the car in the drive. It really works!
When we are on the phone and things get stressful, I take a deep breath, count to 10 to keep me from lashing out. It works with ABF and others in my life who get a little crazy.
I have used "Do what you think is right" in a lot of situations and it works.