I guess telling me he's leaving me wasn't enough.
Recap:
I started Alnon. He was fine until he realized it wasn't all about him but about ME.
He now says he's thinking of quitting AA.
QUACK.
I knew he would have to go big ...and he did.
I mean if I wasn't giving him what he expected when he said he was leaving me...he would HAVE to.
But I did not react.
I followed my Alnon detachment instructions and told him it was his decision to make.
It wasn't my business.
He is sooooo not happy with that.
I just decided that I WANT what my alnon group has. Even people still living w/ their A have happy fulfilled lives...and I WANT that.
No I don't want to live w/ an A spouse. and that is MY boundary.
But the fact that it's POSSIBLE to do so...and not be pulled in to the drama and chaos..wow. I REALLY want that!
so I'm going to do what I'm told to do, follow my program and I know I'll be a better person for it.
no matter what he decides that's on him. he won't be living here w/ me anyway so why should I care?
I'm okay either way. My kids are fine either way (you can be assured there will be a clause about drinking in the presence of the kids or w/in so many hours of a visitation to protect them in the divorce papers).
this is all about him...as always. I'm just going to do what I'm doing because it's working for me. I feel better. I actually do feel bad for him. But not in a guilty way, but in a "omg he has no idea what he's losing" way.
Oh well.
Like someone mentioned in another post... I do feel like I've won the lottery...all I have to do is wait til Aug to claim my prize..a new life w/o him and all his drama and trauma.
But...of course...I need to think what his next move will be...so I don't react.
I figure it will be something to do w/ the kids...that's the only thing that I really care about that he will still affect.
but ... whatever. I'm ready. I just keep telling myself "respond, do not react." over and over before i get the phone or when I hear the car in the drive. It really works!
ty everyone for being so supportive. I really needed the encouragement and strength you've shared and want you all to know that I really do appreciate every word of wisdom you've given me. so a big hug to everyone.
