I'm new so I may or may not be on target but I know it would bother me to some degree.
But for me...
It would be about why couldn't he treat me that way? why does she get the "good stuff" and I had to deal w/ all the bad.
I guess it would be grieving over what I believed 'could' have been.
BUT...it is facebook. Let's keep it in perspective. No one goes on FB and says..." I'm a raging A and just lost my 9th job in 12 mos, my kids are afraid of me and my ex has a protective order against me".
nu uh!
they paint an unrealistic picture of their life and how wonderful it is. I think we all do to some extent. I'm not going to go report that my RAH is a complete $%^&* to me 98% of the time. It's my own shame that keeps that secret.
It's very much why battered women hide the fact they are battered. The shame the abuse causes. I think living w/ an A spouse is very much like that. We hide the things that we don't want people to see. We clean up their messes and try to keep control of the chaos so no one knows.
I always get so mad when I watch those true crime tv shows that have the woman up on the stand revealing the abuse she's suffered for YEARS...and they say "but you didn't report it", "you told NO ONE, yet we are expected to believe this happened".
Uh YEAH! It's a secret...just like our A drinking is. We hide it. We deny it. We don't need or want to hear people gossip about us, or ask "why don't you leave?".
It's not that easy.
I recently had a conversation w/ a childhood friend who asked me "does your dad still drink?" I $%^& near fell on the floor. I thought we hid it well. But I felt that old shame creep back. the OMG she knows feeling.... too bad I hadn't realized it before, maybe I could have asked for some help back then and wouldn't have married an A too.
Shame is a horrible and distructive emotion, at least in my world it is.