Learn2Live

Hi Florence. to SoberRecovery.

I have never been married to an alcoholic, and I don't have children, but I do know that living with an alcoholic or addict often means focusing all your time, energy and attention on THEM and what THEY are doing. They are often loud, and the stuff they do is just crazy, distracting and stressful. Trying to live in the same house with a person who is actively drinking does not bring much peace or quiet or time for self-care or self-reflection. Because everything becomes about THEM, and the alcoholism. Their focus is them and they want your focus to be them too. So, even when it seems like you are telling them about what you want, or what you would like them to do, or even just voicing your displeasure about what they are doing, it's STILL about them!

So my suggestion is to try to get your focus off him and on YOU. And start feeling GOOD about you. Please notice what you have said in your post about how you feel about yourself:
You're judging yourself. You are NOT stupid, you having NOTHING to feel ashamed about, and you are NOT foolish. Having children is generally what being married is ABOUT. Why should you feel ashamed or humiliated about something as beautiful as having this child? People get pregnant and have children under all sorts of circumstances every day of the week. There is no perfectly happy family with no problems to compare your situation to. And HIS actions and HIS choices are NOT a reflection on you. The fact that he is not getting that his alcoholism affects his ability to be a proper spouse is not yours to own. That is HIS. Let HIM own it.

You are a strong and capable woman. You figured out for yourself what you needed to do to be healthy and financially responsible, and you have taken action towards those goals. (((hugs)))