*hugs* Donna...it's no reflection on YOU that your partner is being abusive. It's not like when you met him, he had a neon sign on his head that said "Abusive @sshole When Drunk".
I know how hard it can be to come to grips with considering oneself as abused. It puts into question our sense of self-worth, our ability to choose "a good partner", and our self-perceived capacity to be loved. I didn't mean to shake you up when I posted "You are being abused"; when and if you decide you've had enough of this rollercoaster ride, you will choose to get off. Until then, it's just a question of protecting yourself by recognizing your situation.
From where I sit, the man you love is jerking you around. "Get ouf of my bedroom." "No wait, come back again". "You're probably trolling for men on FB". This is emotional abuse. I'm sure there's more you're not writing about.
As for "If I wind up leaving again, I can never trust myself to make a healthy choice with another relationship"...well, I don't think it has to come to that. I also chose REALLY unhealthy men to interact with, for several years, because I thought I needed them to fill some void in me. This may be a good opportunity to grab "Codependent No More" and perhaps examine why you've chosen partners who treat you so poorly, drunk or not.
