BobbyJ

Wishing I could find a noon meeting to RUN to!!!!

AH (30 days sober out of rehab)

Since he has been home, I stay in my part of the house & he stays in his.
He trys to communicate with me, but I have dont have much to say.
I see it as friends and business partners..thats about it.

He sits in the house & WAITS for me to talk to him, when we are not in meetings...He just sits in the kitchen & smokes & drinks pots of coffee.
Guess, he doesnt think about exercise or cleaning the house, etc.

I spend my evenings in the other room, It feels like alot of pressure on me, with him just sitting there, waiting for me to talk...I work full time+, so I have alot to do when I get home.

This morning, he tells me we need to sell my exercise equipement & my jacuzzi. I ask him why...He replies, so we can spilt up. He is not going to live
lonely. He wants more in life. He wants sex. He cant see me, getting over all of the problems from the past. He wants us to have fun together. He wants me to talk to him. He cant change the past and he cant see me getting over it. He wants to write my kids a letter of apology.
(Why sell MY stuff, what about his?)

I told him I was up front & honest with him before he came home. I dont
know if it will work, I will try. It has only been 2 weeks since he has been home. I wish I had the magic pill to wake up & feel in love again, but I dont.

Then the question SEX:::: OMG!!! You know how many years, I begged him just to brush his teeth, so the room didnt stink, when I walked in.

You know how many times, I dressed up the whiskey bottle with little doll clothes, tucked her under the blankets and told him to go to bed, his wife was waiting for him....

He leaves the house, then calls me & says "Well, I think Im feeling sorry for myself - once I get a sponsor I will feel better cuz I will have someone to talk to everyday"

So with that reply, I guess Im suppose to feel better & want to jump in the sack...Dont know if I will EVER feel like jumping in anyones sack!!!!

I just fell to peices, after his phone call. So many questions about myself.
Am I just being a crabbey ol' #itch? Am I too hard on him? Maybe there is something wrong with me? Maybe Im not looking at things positive?

Dropped on my knees prayed & cried..Not a good day