TuffGirl, your 2nd paragraph could have been written by me (or probably most others here sadly) because when my ADP is sober he is a wonderful person. When I met him, I was separated legally (but still living with) a physically and mentally abusive (expletive) and I thought 'Josh' was my hero... he was everything the x wasn't and more. I never felt attacked or blamed for stuff and being with him was so liberating, and feeling love both physically and emotionally again after years of feeling dead inside with x was like a dream come true.
He can still be that person for me. When he goes on the wagon, he IS that person. I dread thinking that the mean person that he becomes when drunk is his true being. That would just break my heart. Just contemplating this is killing me, it makes me so sad.
I feel so betrayed by the drunk 'Josh' because all of our future plans will go to shyte if he doesn't get sober. I hope that doesn't sound selfish, like it's all about me, but I feel that it's about US as a couple. I am retired and he will be able to retire in a couple more years and we had our future planned basically, we had goals. But it cannot be if he doesn't stop drinking.