Just a brief recap of my situation. I had been with my exabf for almost 3 years. He had been clean all of 2010 until he relapsed in Nov. When this happened I made him leave. Exactly one week later I found out I was pregnant. He was supposidly so happy to have a second chance at being a father as he wasnt really there for his son when he was growing up and promised me he was going to be there for me and I was not in this alone. I also have 4 children from a previous relationship that absolutely adore him. They have pretty much been sheilded from his addiction and I have made up more excuses for him then even I can keep track of.
Ever since the relapse things have been going downhill FAST. He lost his job in the middle of January and has been staying at a shelter. I was so determined to "support" him and be there for him and make this work. There is nothing more I hated then the thought of having another child to raise alone. I just KNEW if I said and did the "right" things everything would be ok. After all this meant so much to him and he would NEVER leave me to deal with this alone.
Well after 2 and 1/2 months of empty promises and more stress and hurt then I even care to describe I have finally cut him off completely. In the past 2 weeks I have only contacted him once regaurding his tax return. I have ignored all his attempts to contact me. When they mailed the refund card to my house I even had my brother take it to him so I didn't have to see or speak to him.
Even though I honestly have 110% more peace in my life since not dealing with him I am still struggling with the fact he could treat me like this while pregnant with a child that he claims meant so much to him. I find myself getting furious that he can just run the streets drinking/getting high while I have to figure out how to manage and deal with everything. I know i shouldn't even be surprised. I wanted to send him a text so bad that said "Gee you haven't tried to contact me since you got your refund, guess you were too busy buying things for the baby...hahaha, yeah right." I didnt though as I am serious about not having ANY contact. It just makes me so mad that the one thing he could've done to help with this baby and he wasted it all on alcohol/drugs.
Sorry this is so long, I guess my question is can anyone say they were in a similar situation and were GLAD they went no contact despite being pregnant or having children? Or can anyone say they WISH they went no contact sooner because it was harder to stay and put up with their ABF/AH and all their BS? I just really need a different perspective. I want so much to be happy and proud that I am not accepting the unacceptable anymore, but I find myself stuck in the thoughts of "how could he treat me like this?" or "how could he care so little about me and this baby?". I am even having a hard time enjoying the pregnancy because of the circumstances I find myself in
I should also mention that after the relapse in November, I was MORE than finished with him but only gave him another chance because I found out I was pregnant and some how I actually thought that would matter to him. I am also in counseling and Alanon to try and deal with these feelings. Thanks for reading if you made it this far. You guys are the best here, I read a lot more then I post and this board has literally been a life saver to me. There were times I wanted to contact him but instead came here to read to remind myself why I shouldn't. Thanks again for allthe support/advice offered here.