Thanks Everyone for all of the great advice..
I have been attending classes & have been reading alot!!!!
I feel that sometimes my head gets so mixed up, I cant even mentally digest any of the information that is right smack in front of me!!!!!!!!!
Daughter: Yes, it kills me inside, losing her. I feel like I walk with 1/2 of a leg in life without her in my life. It's so empty feeling. I get so lost with all of those feelings.
More like grieving I would say.
Problem: I blame the Recovering AH, for taking her to the bar when she was only 17 and having to more her out of this small community. I blame myself, over and over, for not handling the situation differently at that time.
I blame myself for over protecting & smoothering her for years, trying to protect her from AH verbal abuse.
SOLUTION: Im trying to let go of blame for myself...Makes me so sad
SOUTION: Forgive Recovering AH....I try...but it HAUNTS me day & night!!!
PROBLEM:
1. Recovering AH, keeps on saying that was in my past, wish I could change it.
(A) As of today, I dont trust him. He has only been sober for 1 month & a couple of days
(B) As of today, He keeps on telling me to be patient with him, he is working on his program. He goes to meetings almost every night & afternoons.
PROBLEM:
2. When he is not drinking, you really couldnt ask for a nicer husband
(A) As of today, I keep thinking Im living in a fantasy land...Like did all of that really happen to me??
(B) As of today, I remember how he turned into a monster when he was drinking &
how many years of great memories with my kids, he ruined for me
PROBLEM::::
Does everyone ever get that trust, love, respect back...Just because they quit drinking????????
Does everyone really learn to totally trust them again????...Just because you attend alanon and the AH spent $10 grand on rehab?
Does your head ever quit swimming in circles????
Im a baby into the alanon recovery program and I admit I am afraid of my own footsteps
and Im afraid of what my mind/ heart is telling me....