Hi Lizzie, your AH sounda lot like mine. Started out gradually, then increased with stress due to self medicating.
I've known he was an A for yrs but tolerated things well. Then slowly his personality started changing and I was to blame for all his misery. My 18 yr marriage seemed to be a sham.
My AH is high functioning and has a prestigous public job, so going to Alanon or even telling my friends what was happening in my life was not possible. If people knew his livelihood would be ruined and therefore my livelihood would be too since I worked for him.
It got to the point where I felt so bad that I didn't CARE if anyone else knew. I needed to get the burden off my shoulders. It was such a reilef!!! I told a couple of very trusting friends and went to Alanon. They have been my lifeline. I live in a town of 4000. I knew one person at alanon from my church. He told me he knew 3 people from his 1st meeting. He was there because his son drank. He'd only actually seen him drunk twice. Funny thing was, everyone in the room already knew his son drank! He really had nothing to hide.
My point is, your sanity/emotional health is more important than covering for him.
Be good to yourself,
Chelle