I've been thinking about this thread a lot. There is an important part that I didn't articulate in my post.
Living with alcoholism made me feel crazy, like I described already, and divorcing made the 'crazy' part go away but while alcoholism gets some of the blame - most of the blame lies with myself because of the way I handled things.
Divorce was a huge part of my answer but I don't really blame him for my crazy if that makes sense. I could have avoided crazy all along, no matter what he did, had I only made different decisions.