Dear cp85rn,
There are many wonderful, wise, expert, supportive caring people here at SR and you will become very, very grateful for all of them. I don't know everyone's story yet, but we each have one, and many here have overcome great challenges and lived to tell about it. I am positive that they will have very gentle and encouraging words for you.
On the other hand, I am four years into my relationship with my STBXAGF, whom I believe is an alcoholic, though a high functioning one. I am 34 years old. I am a mom to a seven year old beautiful little girl. I have a fantastic job. I am young at heart, physically fit, still attractive, friends like me.
And I am miserable.
Because I have become obsessive about my GF's drinking and her lies. My heart is broken into a thousand pieces for all the hope that I have lost and the time that I can't get back.
I have been trying to leave for fourteen months.
I pray with all my might that this month I will actually do it.
Not because she is so awful, though at times she can be. And not because she is so sick, though at times I believe she is. But because I AM. I cannot stand who I have become, through my relationship with a problem drinker.
And so it is from this very raw, terrified, and sorrowful place that I want to say to you:
Please think very, very carefully about what you can do to change this and to get help for yourself, RIGHT NOW.
What I really want to say is: RUN AWAY!!! You are soooo young! You deserve more!
BUT...I know that there are other options. You could choose to stick with this man that you have grown up with. I suppose if there is still love there between you, this is a completely valid choice. You could choose to stay whether or not he ever stops drinking, but you could choose to get help for yourself via Alanon, or therapy, or both.
I want to encourage you to start setting boundaries that you feel very clear about, that are deal breakers for you that you can both live with, and live up to.
Mostly, I want to offer you my support and care, and to welcome you here.
And to applaud your strength and courage.
And to tell you that you are not alone. Or crazy.
May you feel peace tonight...
B.