BobbyJ

Well, we are going on 2 weeks in the same house with each other, since he came home from his 30 rehab. It's been a struggle for me. Most days I cant seem to look at him. Still hiding my purse,phone,money. I have been holding alot of "stuff" inside of me and find myself traveling the past 2 wkends, just so I dont have to look at him or deal with him.

When he was in rehab, I told him exactly how I felt, I did not miss a word!! And I gave him a refresher course on my feelings last night again.

He comes home & acts like its a lovely marriage & a lovely world. I know, I am suppose to be patient..But it's not all in me right now. Im working very hard staying on my side of the fence. I dont hesitate to call a "Guilt Trip' a guilt trip from him..When I left this weekend, he said "Give me a hug" I asked him why..His reply "Well what I die in a car wreck" - GUILT TRIP!!!

We talked finances last night, he just doesnt get the point of working 2 hours a day, does not pay the bills. But now that I brought that to his attention, he is gonna work on it. But in rehab, his attitude was, he was gonna come home & kick butt at work...NOT!!

Guess I am rambling on with todays frustrations.

I have been researching and researching in the book stores & online for information on what they are like, and what to expect after a recovery program. Guess, Im trying to figure out, is this really him sober or is this part of his recovery AND how long does this last? When do you know if the feelings (my feelings) are just temporary or does time heal?

There is so much information in meetings & online about what to do with the AH, but I cant find enough on what to do with them once they are babies in recovery....???????????????????????

I found the below information on this site: AND I CAN VERY MUCH RELATE TO IT!!!!!!!
******* Belief that Time will Make it Better **********

Maybe you get hooked by the belief that: "If I give it enough time things will change to be the way I want them to be." You have waited a long time to have healthy intimate relationships, you rationalize: "Don't give up on them too soon." Since you are not sure how to have them or how they feel, you rationalize that maybe what the relationships need is more time to become more healthy and intimate. You find yourself giving more and more of yourself and waiting longer and longer for something good to happen and yet things never get better. You find that your wait goes from being counted by days, weeks or months to years. Time passes and things really never get better. What keeps hooking you are those fleeting moments when the relationships approximate what you would like them to be. These fleeting moments feel like centuries and they are sufficient to keep you holding on. The rational message needed to establish healthy boundaries from this hook is: "It is unhealthy for me to sacrifice large portions of my life, invested in relationships which are not going anywhere. It is unhealthy for me to hold on to the belief that things will change if they have not in 1 or more years. It is OK to set time limits in my relationships such as: if in 3 months or 6 months things do not get to be intimately healthier then I am getting out of them or we will need to seek professional help to work it out. It is OK to put time demands on my relationships so that I do not waste away my life waiting for something which in all probability will never happen. It is not OK for me to blow out of proportion those fleeting moments in my relationships which make me believe that there is anything more in them than there really is."