What about the kids?
I keep coming back to this...my kids have NO IDEA that their dad is an alcoholic...they wouldn't even know what that meant, I guess, but he is one of those that might have a couple of beers at dinner, but does the vast majority of his drinking when they're already in bed. Even then, you mostly wouldn't know he was drinking, except that he talks a bit more. I'm not excusing what he's doing, I'm just wondering, if I don't join him in NC, how in the world would I explain it to them? Not that an eight and five year old get to decide...I'm just trying to work this through in my mind. How do I tell them this horrible, ugly thing is going on in their lives when they have no evidence of that? And you know, I can't remember what thread I read this in or who wrote it, but someone said something about how sometimes it is the non-alcholic who causes more chaos in the family, and I've started to wonder if that isn't true of me. I mean, that couldn't often be the case if the alcoholic was mean or violent, but that's not the case here. I'm the one that is always worrying about him...stressed out about how he's "feeling"...trying to figure out how to fix it, and then I don't have as much left to give the kids...my patience is not what it should be...I'm not in the moment nearly as much as I should be. I can't allow myself to be the problem parent...what am I thinking? Clearly, I have been enabling, but now that I know better, I am positive I will do better b/c that behavior clearly wasn't working. Anyway, I'm not sure what I'm asking for...I'm just talking I guess...