hurting12

I think this guy was worse than I initially thought. We live in different states, were phone friends for 3 months then met at Christmas when he asked me to be his girlfriend. I broke up with him last week. The whole family is a bit unbalanced but the rent was cheap and they came recommended.

Anyway, I've been reading a bit on this site over the last two days and other folks' posts reminded me of other things my now xbf has said over the last 5 months that worry me:

1. He's a prof musician and was playing in a band for a celebrity singer on a cruise last year. After the show he and the celebrity went to the blackjack table. He told me he had so much fun gambling with the celebrity that it was 'the best $600 he'd ever lost!' (red flag I forgot about)

2. His mother told me he never has $ cuz he spends but figures he can just make more. He gets gigs but complained to me about being behind on bills and even asked me to loan him the $ to fly home to see me for Christmas (No. i didn't). Meanwhile he owns some $300 designer shirts.

3. After our Christmas visit together he went on an overseas gig...I barely heard from him most of January and at the end of the month he said he'd been busy working all month because he'd spent a lot of $ visiting with me and on the overseas trip...said when he got back to the US he had only $5.00 in his bank acccount! Said he was disgusted with himself and was emabarrassed to tell me about his bank balance. 'I can't do this anymore...not at my age..(early 30's)...maybe back in my 20's but not now.' Said he'd had a 'revelation', he 'woke up' and had to 'reprioritize' and make $-especially if we were going to be seeing each other monthly. Said at his age he felt he had done 'nothing with his life. Absolutely nothing.' (Not even 35 and you think you've done 'nothing' with your life???) Said his poor $ situation inspired him to re-evaluate...said he'd been depressed and drinking before he met me but that my maturity makes him want to be more mature...that I am more disciplined than he is. Knew he needed to cut back on the smoking (heavy smoker) and drinking to be with me. Felt I was good for him and that we were very compatible.

4. I've already written about how he listened in on my phone call when we met at Christmas.

5.After we met at Christmas his conversations became sexual, always what he wanted to do to me and one day said because we are both tall and big boned that the sex would 'probably be rough and the condom will probably break.' (Huh?) Right after Christmas he got drunk after a gig and texted me about how he wanted me to 'control him' and make him 'do stuff' for me. 'I want you to control me.' Asked me if I would be dominant cuz he wanted to be submissive to me...wanted to spoil me and wanted me to be controlling and make him do things for me. ugh. i know...CRAZY! Asked me to tie him up with my bras to the bedposts and sit on his face ...but really he wanted me to do it 'Hard'. ugh. He wasn't always drinking when he said these things...I think.

6. Said he was afraid and did not want to go 'too fast' with me cuz that's what he did with his ex-wife and they didn't know each other well when they married. Yet told me we should 'meet 3 more times and then tie the knot.' Yeah, I was flattered but I thought he was kidding. And asked me SEVERAL times if I would have his baby...thought I would make a great mom and he 'trusted me.' .

7. 2 nights b4 I broke up he called drunk at 4am after a gig, said 'Why did you change? You never told me why you changed. I was calling you for 3 months cuz I wanted to. You didn't do anything. I wanted to do that. I knew you were special. Remember, I knew you before you ever knew me. You weren't calling me before...And now you're trying to be me. You can't be me. If you call me then I won't want to call you. You fell in love with who you thought I was You want me, girl? If you want me you better know what you're getting into.'

I'm just venting cuz I've read other things here that just validate my thoughts even further make me think I made a VERY wise decision to go NC. I don't think I could have gotten this type of advice/validation anywhere other than a site like this. Hell, I know his whole family so I thought chances of him being crazy were slimmer since I could always talk to his family. My friends have been well meaning but they weren't all that helpful in this situation. A few encouraged me to hang in there or thought I was just overreacting. I love my friends but this has really shown me how some women would rather be in a relationship-at almost any cost-rather than be alone...maybe they don't see red flags or just don't believe them.

Aw, I'm rambling now but I had to get some of this off my chest. Thanks and goodnight, All!